Monday, September 13, 2010

Reality calling!

I never fail to be amazed at how miserable I have to get before I pick up the phone (or get on the computer) and contact other people to ask for help!

I'd love to be the woman who does everything right, the first time, on my own, thank you very much!  Somewhere along the way I learned that this was the way to BE, and anything less than that meant BEING less.  Unacceptable.

Would I expect this of anybody else?  Nope.  So why do I deserve it? 

I know just where I picked up that notion, actually (entire books have been written about how these things get handed down from one life to another) ...  but I'd like to learn how to drop it off and leave it behind, for good. 

Thing is, I need help with it.  (Oh no, not that!)

There are ambassadors at the clinic where I got my bariatric surgery.  They're post-op patients successful at a year (or more) out -- some of them are three or more years out -- and they voluntarily make themselves available to those who are following in their footsteps.  Or hoping to, at any rate.

One of these ambassadors was a great help to me before the surgery, and she visited me in the hospital afterwards.  Super nice woman, a bypass patient whose husband also had the procedure done.  Their lives have changed for the better in so many ways ... so yes, she's an inspiration.

The thing is, I get afraid to approach these "success stories" with my own troubles.  As if they've never been there, never had similar obstacles to overcome.  I struggle to remember that people who are thin are actually the same species as I am -- a humorous exaggeration, but not by much!

It's just been so long since I was anything but an obese person. 

Anyway ...

My "fathead" thinking is getting in the way.  The "I'm not good enough" thinking.  The "they'll always be better than me" thinking. 
Stinking thinking!

The good news?  I reached out for help today and a very cool lady who got banded in '06 reached right back.  She is the soul of positivity and encouragement.  I feel some hope returning, after the desolation of the past couple of weeks.

I'm NOT supposed to be able to do this alone, am I?

If I could, wouldn't I have already done it?

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