So, after an extended absence (during which I seriously considered deleting this blog altogether), somebody actually asked after my well being via a comment.
Not only do people have me bookmarked, at least one of them is actually reading! I find this encouraging.
So thank you, reader(s).
Where have I been these last weeks ... well, truth be told I've been all over the map. I have developed a condition my therapist likens to post-partum depression. I didn't give birth to a child, I gave birth to a new way of doing things around food, and as a food addict that is HUGE.
I had been glossing over that fact, doing a pretty swell job of denying that I needed any more help with this, that I had the whole thing licked (pun intended), when in fact I was whistling Dixie cups in the wind.
If this major life change has showed me anything at all, it's that I need the support of other people.
Now I don't know about you, but I grew up in a household where there was a lot of fending for yourself. By this I refer not to regular meals, clothing, transporation and comfortable shelter. Instead, I refer to the whole emotional piece of life. I learned what I learned in a fairly dysfunctional environment, from people who themselves were raised in dysfunctional family systems, and it turns out that you can get along pretty well in life for a while on your own smarts and charms.
Pretty well, until those things fail to feed your soul (as they inevitably will, if your soul has any depth to it).
It isn't the first time I've hit a wall like this. In fact, the wall has the imprint of my face on it. No mean feat, when you consider it's made of concrete. (I can be very determined, tenacious, stubborn ... and thick as a brick).
Surprise, surprise ... in spite of what I learned, I'm not supposed to do Life alone.
In the past two weeks, my best friend's cat died (and it nearly nearly killed the both of us, having to put her down), I lost NO weight, and I started bingeing my brains out again. There's essentially no restriction with the band as it is, so I'm waiting for next Tuesday's first fill like a hungry baby waits for the bottle.
Thing is, as much as really do need that, I have large issues of self to look at. Instead of eating, I have to look at them.
To those of you considering having this surgery, especially those who have been dealing with any sort of depressive or anxiety issues over a long span of time, I must warn you: bariatric surgery will not only NOT fix those things, it might actually exacerbate them until you figure out other ways to "deal" than using food.
Make sure you have a support network, and be ready to use it!